How I (tried) To Become A Sailor Scout
by Amethyst2
Summary: A bit of a parody for those of you wishing to be Sailor Scouts. And all other SM fans. Very funny.


  
So anyway, like I was saying, I was walking down the street of Tokyo. I didn't exactly know why I was in Tokyo. In fact, at times I wasn't even sure that I was in Tokyo. After passing the "Game Corner" and the "Crossroads Junior High", I was pretty sure I'd ended up somewhere in Illinois.   
  
Also, I didn't know why I was walking. I had no particular destination in mind, but I sorta had a feeling that if I walked long and far enough, someday, I might get my energy stolen in one of those mass-energy-stealing scenes you never see on TV.  
  
Another strange thing I happened to notice was, even though it seemed like school was held year round, there was never a lack of young high school girls and boys walking around the street. Also many businessmen and women, during all hours of the day and night.   
  
Doesn't anyone work in this town?   
  
Anyway, I saw a couple of girls standing on the street, staring quite intently at a small black cat. The cat seemed to be saying something. Then again, being an innocent bystander in this story, I'm not supposed to notice things like that. Also no noticing transformations, girls floating down from apartment windows on kitty-cat-head-turned-parachutes, or giant spaceships floating overhead. Part of the rules and guidelines of being an innocent bystander, you know.  
  
Well, I saw the group of girls talking to the cat (talking cat? What talking cat?), and some of them went to my school, so I waved.  
  
They stared at me blankly, so I called out, "Hi!" I started to walk on, but suddenly someone grabbed me by the shoulders and yanked me into the nearby temple grounds.  
  
Gee, that's funny. A second ago, I was in busy downtown Tokyo-er, wherever I was, and now I was at some temple.  
  
And the girls from my school were staring at me.  
  
"She said hi," one of them, a girl with outrageously long blonde hair and a huge red hair accessory, hissed to the others. They nodded wisely.  
  
The short, blue-haired one cleared her throat. "Given that at this point in time we are lacking adversaries intent upon obtaining total world domination, this young female homo sapiens in all likelihood…"  
  
SLAP! The tall brunette slapped her smartly across the face. With barely a break in her voice, she continued, "Since we aren't fighting any bad guys right now, I don't think she's gonna get attacked."  
  
  
"Ahhhh." The others sighed in understanding.   
  
"Then she must be a Sailor Scout!" The beautiful raven-haired one stared at me. "What's your name?"  
  
"Uh- Allison," I started to say, but the blond with the red hair bow interrupted me.   
  
"She can't be a Sailor Scout! She's not pretty enough!"  
  
"HEY!" I started to protest angrily, but the blue-haired one cut in.  
  
"Maybe her glasses turn into special laser-beam shooting-er, thingys, and maybe her orthodontic metal incisor accessories send off ultra-sonic waves creating the effect of exceedingly reducing the agility-" SLAP! "Maybe her braces shoot out sounds that will paralyze the enemy!"  
  
"And maybe when she transforms her medium-length walnut brown hair with black undertones will turn into two super-long pigtails and spin around like the blades on a windmill like mine!" Serena, the only girl I knew from the pack, squealed.  
  
"Well, um, what are you guys talking about?" I asked nicely.  
  
"Eh-hem. I am Luna, the feline guardian whom Queen Serenity of the moon trusted with…"  
  
"Luna!" Serena interrupted her. "You used that same speech on me!"   
  
"And look how she turned out." The raven-haired girl muttered.  
  
"ANYWAY," the cat said angrily, "since you had actually had a line in this episode, and there are no enemies at the moment, you are obviously a Sailor Senshi."  
  
"Bless you." The others said.  
  
"What? Oh, yes, I mean, you're a Sailor Scout."  
  
"Just because I said 'hi'?"  
  
"Here." The cat did a flip up in the air, and a small brown wand appeared. The other girls grabbed it and shoved it towards me, not noticing that Luna had landed on her face, and was meowing in pain.  
  
"Now quick! What planets haven't been taken?" Mercury asked the others.  
  
"Um…" The others started thinking very hard. After about five minutes of silent meditation, I was beginning to wonder if I should just leave.  
  
"Space!" The blond with the bow volunteered ecstatically. The other three grinned and patter her on the back, while she looked pleased with herself.  
  
"No, no, that's not a planet, that's what the planets are in," the blue haired one chided.  
  
Everyone sighed, and returned to their thoughtful state.  
  
After a few moments, blue-girl decided to give them a hint. "A planet is one of the nine big round things hanging in our solar system, remember?"  
  
After a few more moments, she said, "And eight of them already have sailor scouts."  
  
After a few more moments, she said, "So that means there's only one left."  
  
After a few more moments, she said, "You know, we LIVE on a planet."  
  
After a few more moments, she said, "What are we standing on right now?"  
  
"The sidewalk!"  
  
"Grass!"  
  
"The temple grounds!"  
  
"Uh, dog doo!"   
  
Everyone stared at Serena, who shrugged. "At least, Raye is. See?"  
  
Raye looked down. "Oh man! I thought I told those guys that they have to clean up after their pets!" She walked over to the temple steps to try and scrape some of the… stuff, off of her shoes.  
  
"No, I mean, what PLANET are we standing on right now?"  
  
After a few more moments, the blue haired one turned to Luna. "I don't think they're going to get it."  
  
"Maybe she's Sailor Earth?" Luna suggested hesitantly.  
  
"Of course!" All the four other girls exclaimed together.  
  
I rolled my eyes.   
  
"Here, take this wand and say 'Earth Star Power Make Up!'"  
  
I stared at her. "Why would I want to do that?"  
  
Serena's eyes went wide, and her body went completely still. "Did someone say… makeup?"  
  
Everyone else groaned. "Here we go again," Raye muttered.   
  
"Can we pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease go shopping?" Serena begged with tears in her eyes. "I wanna get some makeup!"  
  
"I'm sorry!" Luna apologized to the girls, who looked away as Serena continued begging to go shopping. The others just sighed in disgust and turned away.  
  
Suddenly a youma attacked, bringing with it the evil computer virus. The virus ate my computer, and so I had to end the first chapter early.  
  
  



End file.
